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Jennifer Dixey's Shared Poems

ice

as the ice melts
it becomes easier
to drive, even in your
still-snowy part of town
but anyway, I do your shopping,
bring it over, cook
for you, because
I realize

had it been me, not you,
stuck in the house,
worried about falling,
unable to stand
well for long,
you would have done the same
for me. I bring you dinners,
make rice in the rice-cooker,
sit down with you and
play a boardgame that
I bought at the Goodwill.

It's aimed, in a rather
patronizing way, at the senior
citizen who would find it
challenging and amusing
to recall obscure events
from decades past
and tell little anecdotes
about people you've known,
things you're familiar with.
ten years ago, you would
have rolled your eyes at me
for buying you such a thing.

tonight, you sit with me,
forgetting again and again
the rules, but gamely trying
to bring to mind details of your life
when it's your turn.
(1957, Christmas, the #1 song.
You cannot remember, but when I tell you
the title, you laugh. "Pat Boone. That's why
I don't remember it. I hated him."
A glimpse -- there she is -- my mom.)

It is companionable, this hour,
but I miss the woman
who would have refused to play
such a boring game,
challenged me to Scrabble instead
and then trounced me at it.

When I leave, backing out of the driveway,
passing easily over slush and puddles,
I wish for a thawing
that could melt the ice
that has frozen your thoughts,
turned you into someone
you would not even know.

chipped

time chips
away our edges
like it has chipped

the painted rim
of the china cup
mom brought back to me
from California:
"here, I bought this
for you"
pushing it towards
me, saying
"I thought it was
funny", a faraway look
in her eyes, the cup

foreign, as if
she was not sure
what it was, not sure

who "I" was
anymore

flu

unable to sleep,
pain in my hip bones
pain in my back and neck
feverish, turning this way, that way
trying to find a position that doesn't hurt.
that was my night
and my morning

one tylenol later,
finally, I slept
four hours of blissful, dark abyss
no dreams or memories, no pain
just sleep

feeling my land-legs again
after my return from the sea of illness
I bless normalcy.
television, email, taking care of the dogs
and the child.
that was my afternoon
and my evening

now night comes again,
I am hungry, but weary
and cautious, still weak
as I get ready for sleep
I wonder,
when we are well --
how is it that we forget
how good it is
to be well?

on the purposes of poetry (winter)

eight years old and sledding
in the back yard with your dad
I watch you through the window,
want to capture this moment for you
so I take a photo --

and someday you'll look at it --

but you won't feel
the ice in the air, the very ground
frozen to itself, chilly flakes falling on your head,
getting stuck in your hair and eyelashes
melting on your tongue

you won't hear the whoosh, rush
in your ears as you fly
down the small slope
to the edge of our
dormant garden beds,
their green potential covered
in a haze of frost and snow

you won't hear your own voice
hysterical with laughter, catching
your breath, so cold, so cold
as you lay in the snow
making an angel
and then roll over and draw on it with a stick
transforming it into a hawk
and then an eagle
"daddy, daddy, look!"

you won't see any of that in a picture
but I take one anyway, braving the snow

to frame a close-up of you leaping,
manage to capture you in motion
in mid-air, about to land on your sled:

wanting only to feel
all of this again

the artist takes a breath

leans back from the canvas,
squints, sighs,
feels something new:

a warm satisfaction
with what is
and what is not

the shape and color
of every line
is right

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