today I knew
my youth had fled, when
I could have climbed the stairs
to the room where someone was showing off
his Academy Award and I didn't go --
I had other things to do,
more important, more timely,
more needed than to be in the presence
of the coveted statuette
of a little gold man --
as a child my dreams
were built on someday, maybes
now my life is built on have to, nows