Advice Column

We are not children, you and I.
We know about love
and how it fills you with hope
and promises.
How it clouds your view of the future
Like a vaseline covered lens
Like a cataract

We know that what we each called love
twenty five years ago
was something else
Not infatuation
Not even lust
It was fear
and loneliness
and desperation

It was not trust
It was not benevolence
Not devotion
It was not giving
It was taking
And you and I took
And so did she and so did he.

We were all children
And we were selfish
And we were scared
And we were stupid
But now we are older
Now we know

So we didn't want to say that word
When you and I finally met
Though we both were thinking it
And it almost came out a couple times
As you were getting out of my car
Or in your bed

But we refrained
And that made us both feel
Like liars again
Like we were keeping secrets again
Like not saying it when you felt it
Was as bad as saying it when you didn't.

So I wrote to an advice column
On a website
And the answer was not what I expected
"you get to define love" was the reply
"in whatever way you want,
"It might mean lets live together,
"Or it might mean, let's not make promises"

"But Johnny," (I had signed the letter, Johnny)
"the point is to say it"
"the point is to talk about what it means"
"the point is to ring it like an iron bell"
"the point is, stop holding back"

It was good advice
And the column got much response
from readers.
Two years later, I saw that a woman
had tattooed an iron bell
in the small of her back
As a reminder of that advice
stop holding back.