Because we all want to write more poems.
Ellensburg, September 18th
In a hotel,
In Ellensburg,
My restless mind
Pulls me out of bed
And I walk alone
Down the tracks
Crossing over to the wrong side,
When the train comes by,
To where the Transfer Station stinks
Where forklift drivers move pallets
From one warehouse
To another.
And foremen in hardhats
Stare at blueprints,
Pull cigarettes from that familiar
Red and white carton.
I watch and I want
To ask them for work,
Something to do so I
Have a reason to stay
A way to start over.
Lover, would you forgive me
If I never came back?
- Neil McKay's Shared Poems
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Comments
Neil McKay
September 18, 2012
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A mood poem
This has sort of a Ray Carver feel. Note that the end sentiment is pure fiction. I already am starting over.
Clayton Medeiros
September 19, 2012
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I agree on the Carver
I agree on the Carver connection. He might not use the last two lines. It feels like something out of an urban industrial area in any time but somehow the language gives me a film noir sense.
Neil McKay
September 19, 2012
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I put in the last two lines
I put in the last two lines because I felt this poem had to go somewhere. Had to have a reason. It wasn't simply a sketch of Ellensburg, it was a sketch of a state of mind. But maybe those last two lines are unnecessary, heavy-handed. I'll think on that.
Clayton Medeiros
September 20, 2012
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I think the last two lines
I think the last two lines could be the beginning of another poem. Your literary gut will let you know. I felt starting was a good place to stop, leaving things a bit open and mysterious.
Neil McKay
September 22, 2012
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I see your point. Let me
I see your point. Let me chew on it for a while.